Self-Help Stop

When I was in my 20s, I thought having a routine meant you were in a rut. Life should be spontaneous and doing the same thing over and over did not appeal to me at all! I was quite nomadic. Always carrying a backpack with a few essentials because I never knew where life would take me. I didn’t know how freeing a routine could be.

I like to think of a routine as two or more habits grouped together. Gretchen Rubin stated that “With habits, we don’t make decisions, we don’t use self-control, we just do the thing we want ourselves to do.” We have many habits. Brushing our teeth. Showering. Washing dishes while preparing a meal. A routine helps us do more of the things we want to do without having to give those tasks much thought. This helps with procrastination and other feelings that might get in the way. No matter how tired I am, I brush my teeth, remove cosmetics, wash my face and moisturize before going to bed.

Developing routines can be so beneficial. A morning practice such as showering, having coffee (or tea) and a bite before work can ensure that you’re starting the day out right. And if, for any number of reasons, you don’t get enough sleep, having the habit of a morning routine will ensure a poor night’s sleep doesn’t wreck your whole day. Being tired makes me crabby but a shower makes me feel better.

Having a routine is very grounding and being grounded is important to a balanced life. As a writer, I am not always the best at self-care. Sometimes I forget to eat. Sometimes I can’t sleep because the ideas and words keep flowing. When I’m in the middle of a project, sometimes that is all I can think about. Much of my time is spent writing, researching, and thinking about the writing. I spend time planning and outlining each chapter of longer works. Being a writer means often being consumed by my work. Routines can keep me healthy and on track with all aspects of my life. I don’t want to neglect my health or relationships.

Maintaining routines can ensure that we take time for ourselves and the people we love while ensuring that we have time in our busy lives to do things we love. This is especially important if we work full-time to pay the bills. In addition to writing, editing and coaching, I spend time cooking, spending time with my spouse and our dogs, and everything else that constitutes a life these days. If I didn’t have routines, important things wouldn’t get done. 

The trick to routines is making sure that they don’t become rigid. We want the behaviors that make up a routine to become automatic so that we complete tasks without having to think too much about it. Thinking rather than doing can lead to procrastinating and other forms of resistance. On the other hand, if a routine is too fixed it can lead to problems. We need to be flexible.

If I used the last of the coffee the day before (and forgot to buy some more), I’m going to be very upset with myself and I’m not going to have a good morning. My morning routine is out the window. Rather than just being upset and going to work upset and out of sorts, I could skip breakfast to get out the door earlier. Then, I can use that time for a quick stop at a coffee shop and grab some food there as well coffee. I can treat myself to a nice breakfast I didn’t (and would rarely) cook for myself. Maybe I’ll have ham, cheese and egg on a croissant! Or a blueberry scone! I usually eat something healthier like fruit, nuts, and low-fat yogurt. But going outside my comfortable behaviors can be a nice treat on the rare occasion rather than an upsetting and frustrating event.

Similarly, if I always write in the same place and at the same time, a break in the routine may not be as welcome. If I’m used to writing in a coffee shop and it’s closed due to lack of staff or renovations, where will I go to write that is busy and noisy? It might be better to have a routine where I write in different situations – quiet and noisy and, ideally, at different times, so that I can quickly and easily adjust to a change and still be able to meet my writing goals.

It’s good to have productive routines but remember to be flexible when normal routine is broken so that you can still achieve your goals.