Self-Help Stop

“Bittersweet”: a tendency to states of longing, poignancy, and sorrow; an acute awareness of passing time; and a curiously piercing joy at the beauty of the world. The bittersweet is also about the recognition that light and dark, birth and death—bitter and sweet—are forever paired. Susan Cain

I read Susan Cain’s book Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole – I learned a lot and really enjoyed it. While reading it, I followed one of her suggestions and made a playlist of songs that stirred a deep, visceral yearning. I’ve felt that feeling often throughout my life. It is difficult to describe but I got the sense that something was missing inside me or in my life. I have a good life and I am pretty happy despite living with chronic illness and depression. This made me more curious about the feeling and what it might mean.

I noticed the songs were all about love, lost love, or taking a chance on love. My love life has been pretty much the same as everyone else on this planet but with the less often outcome of finding my soulmate. Love has been a guiding value in my life. From a young age, I decided that I may not ever know my life purpose so I will make loving, being loved, and always learning my purpose. And, because of that, I have known a lot of grief. Love and grief are two sides of the same coin. I would not forego the experience of love to avoid grief. Life is not worth living without the love of good friends and family. And, really, as humans we cannot stop ourselves from loving. It’s part of our nature, so love and grief are inevitable. I thought there had to be more to that yearning feeling.

As I pondered all this while going about my day, I realized the songs were actually making me feel, viscerally and deep in my core, what I already knew as only a fact: life is fleeting. Nothing lasts. People and their emotions, relationships, creations, work, all of it, are impermanent. It is one thing to understand some piece of information in your brain and quite another to know it in your intestines, solar plexus chakra, and your bones. The message in the melancholy songs about love, loss, and risk was that life is short and uncertain, and I should make the most of the time I have.

If that wasn’t enough of a gut punch, I further understood I was being called to do something creative, something meaningful on my journey with however much time I have left. I have been feeling the pull to help others and do so through coaching. But it is not enough. I reach so few people through 1:1 coaching. I can do more creatively through writing, which is something I love. It looks different for each individual.

If you feel called to do something with your life, look at your strengths. Your gifts. The things you enjoy most. Ask friends and family what they think are your defining qualities. Try different things and have fun with it. You will find your path. Just remember to be you. As Oscar Wilde said, everyone else is already taken.